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My Story
‘My Story’
by Julie
Where do I begin???…. “I went to hospital to have our dear baby boy, he died, I almost did too…..
I lost my uterus, our lives were devastated ….
& will NEVER be the same again…….!”
My story…
Frank & I are both from large families, he is one of 6 & I am one of 5. His family is Italian & there has been a strong desire to have a son, within both sides of the family & to carry on the family name. We are also both photographers & love photographing families, children &
especially beautiful babies!. For a number of years Frank & I talked about having another baby, as we have 3 girls, Claire (15), Christina (11) & Carina (8). So we decided that when all the girls were at school & the time was right we would try for a son. In 2004, I began researching how to conceive a boy, for we both dearly wanted a son. After hours of research & a number of attempts to conceive, we finally fell pregnant in October 2004. We were so excited & the girls couldn’t wait to have a little brother. Not long after we began planning for our baby’s arrival. We organised the house to be extended & renovated, to add more living areas & an extra bedroom for our new baby. My pregnancy was great ! I felt well & kept very bizzy preparing the house & ‘nesting’. At 25 weeks (pregnant) I had an ultrasound to check to see that our baby was growing well & also to try to determine the sex of our child. We hoped & prayed our baby was a boy… To our absolute delight & amazement the ultrasound revealed a little bubby boy !!!! I cried for joy. Frank & I were
SO happy !!! It was one of the happiest days of our lives. We both decided he would be called Angelo, as this is Franks middle name & Claire our oldest daughter’s name is my middle name. Our families & friends were all so very happy for us too.After that time, everything we saw ‘turned to blue’. We had the kitchen finished with a blue bench, got a new blue lounge, had the bathroom & laundry tiled in blue & painted the new bedroom for Angelo in blue too.
The Birth. On the 12th of July at approx 1am my waters began to leak. I consulted with my Dr’ later that day & she said it was important that I check into the hospital to be admitted. On the same day Carina was sick, so we took her to out- patients with my mother & Frank & I went up to the maternity ward around 7.30pm. The Doctor (who was a trainee, we were told some weeks later), said my waters were leaking also, but our baby was fine. She said if I hadn’t gone into contractions by 8am the next day, I would have to be induced, as I wasn’t in labour yet. The doctor said she had to leave, but wanted to see me in the morning. At the same time, I was worried about Carina & asked for gate leave after being admitted, to go home & settle Carina. At around 10.30pm when I was in my bedroom, a large sudden gush of waters occurred. I was very surprised & suddenly the labour began, with extremely painful & fast contractions. I thought in NO time our baby would be here, as Carina’s birth was only 2 & a half hours in total. We raced off to the hospital & I timed the contractions by the clock in the car, at only around 3-4 minutes apart. I was so shocked at the speed & strength of the labour. We were taken upstairs to ward 5 & a birthing room. I told Frank, “I can’t cope anymore” & kept thinking how painful Carina’s birth had been. We were alone at the time & I insisted to Frank “I want an epidural !!!”. He went to find a midwife to get it organised. The anethesist arrived & inserted the epidural, & after some time the pain finally went away. I thanked him, for taking away the terrible pain. (This was around 1am on the 13th of July). We had a number of midwives come & go, one of the first midwives did a check at around 3.30am am & told us the labour was not progressing as she would like. She also told us there was meconium (faeces) & Frank & I were shocked by this & asked, “doesn’t that mean our baby is in distress”?, she ensured us it was common, but would like to get the labour speeded up, with oxytocin. She said, she had to go down to ward 4, but would ‘make sure’ that someone would get the labour speeded up. We trusted her & waited for someone to come. We thought it should be soon that our baby would be born. We waited & waited…..we were tired as well & I remember Frank falling asleep every now & then. I couldn’t sleep but was exhausted. As time went on, I began to feel very uncomfortable. I didn’t like to trouble the midwives, so I turned from side to side & then would adjust the 2 monitor belts that were around my tummy, to keep track of our babies heart beat & also the contractions. I asked Frank to see what was going on & he went to find a midwife. There was another lady in labour across the hall & she groaned with excrutiating pain. I cried for her….. A trainee midwife popped her head in to see if I was alright. But, still no-one came to speed up the labour as the other midwife had promised.
Around 5am, another midwife came & I told her I had developed pain in two places. I had a horrible pain in my stomach & also a pain in my lower right abdomen. She said it was common sometimes under an epidural, I asked her if the epidural was going to be topped up. She said she’d get something for my stomach, but nothing came. I asked at least 3 times, to the midwives that came & went, still nothing came & the pain in my lower right was getting worse. At around 6am the same midwife & another came to do a check, they drained my bladder & I asked again for something for the pain in my stomach. We trusted the midwives & thought surely soon our baby would be born. But no-one came to speed up the labour & my pain continued to get worse. I didn’t like to trouble people & knew that they were all bizzy delivering another baby, so I tried to ‘put up’ with the pain & continued to wait. When ever any of the new midwives, that had just started their shift, came to check us, they would all ask what number child we were up to. I wondered if they had even read my birth card I took, with all of my past birth history. We told each of them, it was our fourth. I think Frank & I thought perhaps that’s why everyone seemed so relaxed or perhaps they were all tried from the other delivery. It seemed at times we were left alone too long. It was sometime after 7.30am, another two new midwives came, to check the labour. One of them said to me, it was time to PUSH. I looked at the clock on the wall, thinking it would be the time our son would be born. It was around 8am on the 13th July & 9 & a half hours since contractions had started. The midwife who said I needed to push, seemed pretty confident & relaxed. I was so tired but couldn’t wait to see our little baby boy & thought this is it, he’ll be born now finally ! We trusted her & all the midwives, we trusted them with our lives….
She told me to PUSH, I held my breath….. & gave it one almighty PUSH !!!…..but nothing happened….. !
I said “I can’t, I can’t push him out !” confused, shocked, I thought , ...what’s going on????
I’m in so much pain….How could this be happening. Is my baby alright?
I prayed so hard….”please God, don’t let my baby suffer….” over & over….
It was then, that the ‘nightmare began’, a crazy scene of midwives all rushing in & out, we weren’t told what was happening & Frank & I were in shock. The Trainee doctor (who we hadn’t seen since the night before )finally arrived, but she didn’t deliver our baby or tell us what was going on. The awful scene continued…..more people ….coming & going…shocked looks on faces...
Finally an obstetrician arrived & the first thing he said was, “WHY is this girl in so much pain?, isn’t she
under an epidural???”……I knew something was SO terribly wrong………
It was some time after being told to PUSH, that the obstetrician said he would do a forceps &
episiotomy delivery. I asked one of the midwives to get the stirrups ready, but she couldn’t & he had a anxious look on his face & fixed it himself. It felt like my legs were chucked up in the stirrups. It was really rough & I was still in shock of everything that was happening. The obstetrician seemed frantic & gave a tremendous PULL !!! I will never forget that feeling……..he pulled & pulled…..(Frank told me later his shoulders were shuttering). & out came our baby ..
No cries……...a mad crazy scene…… I asked “ is he a boy?”, No-one answered….. I didn’t even get to see him, someone said to me, “she’s just going over to the table to get checked out”, I was shocked & said, “didn’t we have a boy???”…….still no-one said anything.
There were still no cries from our baby…..a loud suction noise, more doctors came, more midwives….I felt like the room was full & I was shocked & embaressed at the position I was in. The placenta was also taken out & then I developed a TERRIBLE pain in my shoulders. I said, sitting up “Ive got this terrible pain in my shoulders & its getting worse !”. The obstetrician looked up at me HORRIFIED !, he said, “oh my gosh, you’ve ruptured your uterus!”. I was so shocked & HORRIFIED myself. Frank was in shock too. I’d never heard of a ruptured uterus, but knew it couldn’t be good. I began to get sick. Someone then told me, my life was in DANGER ! & that I needed to get to emergency surgery straight away, they also said they may NOT be able to save my uterus. I still had not seen my baby, they made me sign a consent form, in all the mess that was going on & then raced me down the hall to get to the operating theatre, on another ward in the hospital. As I was taken away, I looked at Frank & said “I LOVE YOU” !…..thinking it might be the last time I would ever see him.
Hours later I was returned to the maternity ward from surgery & was told that my baby had to go to Westmead in Sydney for further tests. I was very tired & heavily medicated, but so very much wanted to see my baby. I finally got to see my little man, he WAS a boy ! But he looked so sick & ill, he didn’t move, he did nothing…..just lay there. Frank was there & took some photos. I was SO happy to see my baby Angelo, but my heart ached with pain. I only had a few minutes with him & they said he had to go & Frank was going with him to Sydney. I wanted to go too….. but couldn’t…..then they were gone. I was told I had lost my uterus. I was very sad & put in a maternity room, on continuous morphine. Midwives came & went, family & friends came, with such sad faces. Frank rang & said that our baby’s signs were NOT good….he was severely brain damaged, as I thought he was, from not being delivered quick enough.
I got a phone call from a doctor telling me the same, that Westmead had done all the tests they could & our son was only kept alive on life support. He was very brain damaged. The doctor told me that we would need to make a decision when to turn off the
machine & that there was only 1 life support machine in the hospital. I was HORRIFIED ! & yelled at him….”NO NO NO !, you’ve made me wait so long, you can wait !”
I’d only had a few minutes with my son & now he was telling me, his life had to be turned OFF !
After that time, I felt SO sick….felt pressured that we had to turn off the machine & his life, but I knew it was the only thing keeping him going & was worried that another baby might need the machine also….. Why? was this happening….such an awful nightmare……
I waited anxiously for my baby & Frank to return to Wagga, I was told they would be coming back soon. Hours went by, they finally arrived around midday on the Friday the 15th, 2 & a half days after our son was delivered. I got up from the bed, in pain & said to the midwives I was going to walk to see them. I was very week & anemic, was told I needed more blood, but I refused.
I was SOOOO happy to see Frank & our baby boy Angelo. They were home !
We kissed our baby boy, took many photos, it all seemed so ‘unreal’…..like a dream, but a night mare….
I tried to treasure every single moment & Frank seemed so tired & looked so sad. We got foot & hand prints & a small piece of his hair….
Family came, we took more photos & finally our 3 girls came too, to spend what precious time there was left.
Frank said to me we needed to decided when to turn off the machine, it was so hard….. We decided at 8.56pm that night we would turn off the machine. 8.56 was the time he had entered this world & would be the time he would go to heaven.
The dreaded time drew closer, we took many more photos & touched his sweet skin, his hair, his lovely feet & hands. He was sooooo perfect in my mind, but his brain was no good. Frank told me he had our pastor baptise our son, when I was in surgery. I was sad I had missed it, but so pleased he had been baptised before he would leave this painful world.
This was the hardest & worst day of our lives….
The same doctor who had phoned me about turning off our son’s life, came. Another midwife came & another trainee doctor. The awful time was here…. It was 8.56pm. The midwife began to disconnect all the tubes, so very carefully & she was so gentle & very compassionate towards us. She helped us through a VERY difficult time. The doctor began to get frustrated it was taking too long & he had his arms crossed & asked the other trainee doctor to take over. I was disgusted at him !
He didn’t care….. I did NOT like him….When all the tubes had been removed Frank & I dressed our son in a cute little baby suit, with a teddy on the front. We held him & kissed him & took more photos…..it was sooooo hard. He gasped for air, it was an
awful & sad sound. It went on for some time. Eventually he stopped breathing… but his heart continued to beat . . . he was a fighter, I kept wishing he would just wake up, but he didn’t. At 10.35pm on the 15th July
Our dear son Angelo, was declared deceased, by the trainee doctor.
Our little man was gone… OH... the pain we felt……...
Someone said something about a coroner, I didn’t know what they meant & thought it meant an autopsy. I said “NO !, we are taking our son home !”. I didn’t trust the midwives there anymore…..I knew he should have been born alive. I knew they were the ones who took our son from us ! I DID NOT want to leave our son there, so we wrapped him up & left the hospital. I think it was sometime after 11pm.
I carried our baby out & in the car home. He was so beautiful, but so still.
We finally arrived at our home & we so very much wanted to show him all we had done for his arrival. So we took him to every room in our house & laid him in our bed where he was conceived. We put him in his cradle & in his room. It was sooo hard… words cannot describe what we felt…..As time went on, he became very cold & blue, so we rang a funeral director to come to take our son.
It was too awful seeing him that way. The funeral director was so very kind & came about 1am. He was very compassionate & caring. We placed our little man in the baby carry bag, that he had bought & he was taken away…………..
The dreadful task of organising his funeral had to be done. So Frank & I began to think about how we would like to do it.
We were in so much pain, our hearts were broken…. My body felt broke & was in pain from the hysterectomy. I had 15 very large metal staples down my stomach & needed a great deal of medication to take away the pain. I was supposed to have care from the midwives at home & when I had been checked the next day, by another midwife at home, I said to her, that I didn’t want any more checks from any midwives. I told her I would go to my own doctor, (who we trusted).
We had many family & friends come to see us, it was so very hard & the funeral had to be organised.
Frank, his parents & I went to see our baby one last time, at the funeral home. He looked so colourful again, but different. It was so ‘surreal’ I wanted to hold him, but I couldn’t….I didn’t think I would still be standing.
He was laid to rest on the Tuesday the 19th July. We had a beautiful service at Bethlehem Lutheran church &
played Andrea Bocceli’s -’The Prayer’, during the service. His little white coffin was so small & Frank carried him in & out of the church. I was so proud of him. He was laid to rest in the baby section at the lawn cemetary, which is a very peaceful & lovely area. Many of our family & friends surrounded us with LOVE.
We were so numb…..our hearts were broken…..our girls hearts were shattered too…but we had to go on, somehow, for each other…..
I tried my best to care for my wounds myself, saw my doctor several times & frank helped me a lot. We had gifts of food from the school families. It was so very much appreciated as I could hardly get around, very well. It took a long time to recover from surgery.
One of the most difficult things was the fact that no-one had given us an explanation, why our son had died.
I was confused & no-one rang from the hospital. So oneday I decided I would ring them. I began asking questions, but they all said how sorry they were for our loss, but wouldn’t give me an answer to why things went wrong & why our son had died.
I rang the hospital several times & demanded an inquiry, they said they could do a ‘Route course analysis’ to give us some answers. We also had a meeting with the obstetrician several weeks after, but he would not give us any answers….either. We felt like we had been abandoned. There was NO grief support from the hospital & the pamphlets they gave us when we left, were – centerlink papers, breast feeding information, post natal, an exercise pamphlet & a letter from the hospital… ‘Congratulations’ on the arrival of your baby !….
Someone may have mentioned a counselor from the hospital, but we did not want to see anyone from the hospital, we couldn’t trust them anymore….I demanded a copy of my files & wanted to know every detail & what went wrong. I found many warning signs in the labour, signs that, we were NOT told about, that NO action was taken to prevent my uterus rupturing & my son dieing. There was evidence in many places & I was convinced I had to do something ! for my son’s sake & my family. The more I researched, I started to think like a doctor…I began a long series of phone calls, letters, emails to many people. Medical professionals, politicians, HCCC, Midwives college & the coroner, through the police station. I felt we had to do something ourselves, as no-one was helping us to find answers & to make someone accountable for what went wrong. It should NEVER have happened !
I rang a family friend who was a solicitor & he directed me towards another who specialised in family law. They were very interested in our story & contacted a Barrister in Sydney who wanted to help me as well. It was the first time people were really interested in what went wrong. But it seemed that the only way to get the hospital to be made accountable was to ‘hit them in the pocket’ so to speak. So I continued a legal journey that was very slow & draining. They told me I couldn’t do anything about Angelo’s death, but only my injuries & I trusted them & believed that this would ‘hopefully’ get someone to be made accountable.
Not long after I contacted a psychologist in Sydney for counselling, as the first one I saw in Wagga knew everyone I talked about & I didn’t feel comfortable with her. After the initial meeting in Sydney we began phone consultations quite regularly. I felt I needed someone to talk to as I had felt very much alone.
The route course analysis from the hospital took months to finally arrive & it was FULL OF LIES ! they said my labour was ‘normal’ & I was sooooo disgusted that more people were trying to cover up my son’s death. I rang them & asked more questions, but still no admitting the hospital was at fault… it was obvious to me everyone was ‘sticking together’, they would simply make ‘recommendations for change’ & that’s all ! ………….I was very depressed at this time………..I did not want to live anymore……..
One day I came across an internet support group called ‘A Uterine Rupture Support Group’, I was so pleased to find mums who had been through what I had. They helped me to survive at a time when I didn’t want to live anymore.
After getting to know a lot of the mums in the group & seeing their angel baby photos, I realised I could help fix their photos & restore them so they could share with their family & friends much easier. A lot of the photos of babies where taken on polaroid from hospital cameras & many of the photos needed restoration. As I have worked in our studio & restored photos & created portrait designs, I began to offer help to the mums of the group with their angel babies photos. They were all so very thankful & the comments I would receive where so lovely. After this time I started to create a website called ‘Angels Images’ which is an internet online photo restoration photo service for families of angel babies. It took me over a year to make & complete. Through the group I also met a mum from Melbourne who had also had a uterine rupture, lost her baby, her uterus too & then went on to have another baby through the help of a surrogate mum in America. It gave me HOPE again ! We had so dearly always wanted a big family. I began to research all about surrogacy & got the help of an agency in Los Angeles. We didn’t have any family or friends who could help us here in Australia.
The laws were quite strict as well & we very much wanted to try for a son. In America the procedures through IVF allowed us to try for a son, through sex selection. We very much wanted our names on the birth certificate too & here in Australia that is not possible. We eventually found a lovely surrogate mum with the help of the agency & had a IVF cycle & transfer in September 2006 in Los Angeles. After returning to Wagga & around 2 weeks later we received the news that “it did not work”. ..
We were devastated again…
Unfortunately we weren’t able to store any embryo’s & so we if we wanted to try again we would have to go back to Los Angeles. Our finances were strained & the pressure of everything was becoming too much. I still longed for my son Angelo….. I knew after then I really wasn’t ready to try again, I still missed him too much & needed to grieve for our loss. I made a website for him & we put photos of our dear son around our home, so he would feel close to us. I wanted to be proud of our son, even if he was only with us for a few days. We had to try to concentrate on our family again & really needed things to settle down. The girls were having struggles of their own & were also grieving the loss of their little brother.
The legal journey continued, there were expert reports done, psychiatric assessments, due to the fact I had developed Post traumatic stress & the physical & mental symptoms were becoming quite evident. I would have anxiety attacks going out & being around baby’s, pregnant mums & especially little boys. I hated going out , so I would avoid it & only go out if I absolutely had to, like do the shopping or pick up the kids from school. I was on antidepressants for many months & still am today, as there have been a number of days when I wished I wasn’t alive & just wanted to sleep. Somehow I survived & coped by focusing on my girls, Frank & the journey ahead. Step by step...day by day…
Recently, at the beginning of August the district court sittings started & finally my case would be listed & hopefully heard. I wanted so very much to tell my story to a judge & to have all the evidence put before him. I hoped that by doing this justice would be served. On Monday the 6th my case began, it was a very nerve wrecking time. I began to get the shakes pretty bad. It went for 5 days & then had to be adjourned. In that time I took the stand over 5 times, there were other cases that interrupted mine, breaks, the two expert doctors also took the stand. It felt like I was up & down each day & ‘put through the wringer’ so to speak. When I was cross examined I got confused, couldn’t remember some things & the defendants barrister, would deliberately jump from one time to another, trying to test me. I thought I did a good job, but I was very emotional & had the shakes pretty bad by the end. The judge was very nice & compassionate, he would give me time to take a break if I needed & I think he had a good heart. I liked him.
I got to ‘tell my story’ to the judge, I heard the two doctors & their evidence & by the end of the week, I knew we would win the case. It was obvious from the evidence, that we put forward that, a number of the hospital’s staff had been grossly negligent.
There was a whole system of errors & medical negligence, which resulted in my uterus rupturing, our son dieing & the hysterectomy.
On the last day, just out of court I was put under further pressure… previously the defendants had made an offer of settlement, but we refused as it was an insulting offer & a disgusting amount we thought. My solicitors took me aside & told me there was an offer in writing from the other side, & the deadline was Monday the 13th 5pm. I was disgusted at such a short time period & the further pressure that was put on me. That afternoon, I thought I was having a nervous breakdown, I rang a doctor for help, but he wouldn’t see me & just said for Frank to pick up a prescription for more medication. The next day I wanted to be admitted to Calvary hospital, but Frank rang them & they didn’t have care for mentally ill patients & I couldn’t go anywhere near Wagga base, as I hated the place & still do. Frank took me the an after hours GP clinic & they wouldn’t even ring my doctor or ring my psychologist for me. I felt abandoned again ! We had only taken out private health insurance because we were scared to go to Wagga base, but not even the private hospital would help me….we had to go home & Frank & a friend helped me to calm down……..& to get to sleep…………
On the Monday I was lucky to see a visiting psychiatrist from Sydney he was very nice & prescribed further medication to help, with the extreme symptoms of anxiety I was having. I was re-traumatised by the events of court & from being put on the stand so many times…. The same day we had to decide about the defendants offer which would end at 5pm. But, it was so pressured &
It was not easy to think which way to turn. We sought more legal advice, but it seemed as though eveyone wanted to finish my case. Frank & I discussed what to do, we decided to make our own ‘counter’ offer to the defendants & we based it on, what my barrister told us, what the compensation may be, IF we won the case. We both felt ‘we would have won’, if we had to continue the trial.
But. Frank & I were sooooo tired of it all. It has been over two years of heart ache, battle & coping to survive. Still no-one had really heard our story, we were told (whilst taking legal action) that we shouldn’t go to the press or to go down other avenues of taking action. We saw nothing in the press about the trial, it made me think that no-one knew or would ever know, if we stopped now & didn’t follow through with the trial. There were so many things to consider. The risks to our family were great & if we lost for some reason we would be bankrupt. In the end we knew we had done the right thing, by making ‘our own offer’ & we decided that the deadline we would give, would be the 15th at 8.56pm. A very significant date & time to us both.
Before the deadline had come, we received a phone call from our solicitors, saying the defendants had accepted our offer. We were pleased but still felt some-what lost. We hadn’t heard all the midwives in court & the trainee doctor either. I had received some closure but , still felt like it wasn’t finished. We had both agreed that we wanted to finish the trial & not quit. But it was sooo hard….
Frank hadn’t been able to give his evidence either. I felt bad about this, as I had been on the stand so many times & he had paced the halls of the court house waiting each day, he couldn’t work, he had a very worried look on his face, like when our dear son was dieing……
We have felt that a ‘great injustice, has been done to our family & somehow? we speak out ! make sure that the public know, what terrible things have happened, which should never have happened.
I feel that many, think they were above the law & this is SO very WRONG. !!!
There were MANY ! warning signs in the labour, that were NOT told to us. ……
I was NEVER ! told about the risks of ‘uterine rupture’, I’d never even heard of it before …. In court they tried to make out, that I’d been warned of many things & even that, I was warned that my baby’s life could be at risk of dieing, …… I said “NEVER !!!!!!!!”
They said I was warned of the many risks with a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) & I was NOT told of any risks…… I only thought about when I had Claire & the doctor told me my pelvis was smaller than average, due to my size & he ordered a pelvimetry & Claire was breach, so I had a caesarean over 15 years ago….
I knew they were lieing, even the defendants doctor, was shaking on the stand & he was sooo nervous. He looked as though he was paid to be there & to lie. He even accused Dr Pardey & Dr Stewart, two very highly respected doctors, of being wrong ! I couldn’t believe my ears….. Dr Pardey was excellent on the stand & the judge understood a lot of what he explained. It was good to hear many things from Dr Pardeys own mouth finally, I had waited so long to hear his evidence. He put his reputation on the line for me….. I am so very grateful to him. He didn’t have to choose to help me & be a expert witness, but he did. He knew I was not cared for properly in the labour & that there were signs of a pending rupture. He was an excellent witness & a very lovely man. I will be forever grateful for his honesty.
After the defendants accepted our counter offer of compromise, it has been very bittersweet.
The offer isn’t huge, its based mainly on my low salary & my injuries. I no longer work in the studio & only do a small amount of paperwork. The symptoms of PTSD are too much for me, to work amongst families & babies like I once did. Many things have changed since our son was taken from us.
After long hours & little sleep, I decided to contact ‘A Current Affair’, through an email & also by phone. I
believed they were interested in my story & about ‘speaking the truth’. It was disturbing for them also,
to hear how we have been treated for so long & still nothing had been done about our son’s death & my injuries. Frank was concerned about me going to the media & hoped that the defendants would NOT withdraw
their accepted ‘offer of compromise’. If they did, it would be devastating all over again…
I have waited for SO long to tell my story & to NOT be afraid anymore…
I have lived in fear & been scared to go out of my own home, from others knowing we had taken the hospital to court. So many people in our city wanted a new hospital & I wondered what people would think if they knew what I was doing. The people who knew me all gave me sad looks ….I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me….I wanted to feel normal again……& NOT be afraid !
I also feared ever coming across all of those that let my son die. I am still afraid of being in an uncontrolled situation with those people, who let our son die. I hope I will not have regrets & be able to cope in the future, ‘without’ facing those in court if we stop, those that made so many mistakes. I wanted to see them prosecuted …... But, I’m sure they would NOT admit to anything. I don’t even know if their all working still in the hospital? We have NEVER had any apologies from those directly responsible for my son’s death & my injuires. I thought that in court, I would see them finally ‘face to face’.
But, now we have decided to STOP this legal nightmare, I am so tired of fighting this never ending battle. I don’t want to risk my children’s well being anymore, as I swore an oath on the bible in court about this & when I was questioned about surrogacy, I said we would never have risked our children’s well being, by going on our surrogacy journey. Everyone turned my case into a money thing, which I hated !… I told them over & over I needed to see that justice was served. It wasn’t about the money !!! It was NEVER about the compensation to me, it was about preventing such a tragedy from ever occurring again ! & TRUTH & JUSTICE ….if there is any justice ? I’m no believe that even going to court or politicians do anything to help………..
I have also wanted to raise money for ventilators for the hospitals, for a long time. Which may seem ironic, as I took the hospital to court. But it would help babies & that is what I must do…. there is only 1 ventilator at Wagga base & 1 at Calvary hospital, which I was told is almost broken down. (I was horrified to hear this). I asked what if there were 2 babies on life support, what happens to the next baby in an emergency, the answer I got was VERY disturbing. It meant a baby would die…….
I still strongly believe in ‘right & wrong’ & no matter how I try, I cannot rest until the TRUTH is revealed. Many have tried to cover up what has happened to us, I have evidence of this ‘cover up’ also.
I hope that by speaking out, through ‘A Current Affair’, I can tell my story & also raise the much needed funds for new ventilators for both hospitals. We very much need to get at least, 3 more ventilators, if not more…..
I think our governments should be very ashamed of themselves, for depriving our great city of the best health equipment & services, especially for our large population. I tried to make the politicians notice, but they didn’t even seem to care or directed me to someone else.
I MUST do something before more lives are lost, I hope to ensure this will NEVER happen again.!!!!
New procedures could be put in place, for the midwives & doctors, to ensure that errors are NOT made & lives are not lost.
The much needed ventilators will help reduce risks too, to save a baby’s life !
I so very much, with the help of God above,
HOPE to ‘SAVE A BABY’ !…….
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